Forbidden
by Queen of Leaves
Summary: Harry, Ron and Hermione investigate the Forbidden Section of the Forbidden Section. Snape shows up and reveals a world of horror they can hardly imagine. Hilarity ensues. M for language, probable sexual content and HORROR!
1. Beginnings

_Hello all! This is a fic I've been wanting to write for quite some time. While it is marked as a Hermione/Severus fic, there will be hints of other pairings. Be prepared for much silliness. It's rated M for safety, cursing and probable sexual references. _

_**Forbidden**_

"You mean there' s a Forbidden section of the Forbidden section?"

Harry's eyes were huge as he stared at Hermione.

"I only just saw it while I was getting a book for Advanced Potions. But it was there marked off with red tape and lots of warnings," she said.

"I think I know where we are going tonight," Ron said, smiling and rubbing his hands together.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Can't you two just let there be a little mystery in the world for once?"

Harry nudged her. "You're the one who keeps telling us things like this. If you didn't want us to go, you shouldn't tell us. In fact, I think this is all a clever ploy so you can also see what is in that section."

Hermione reddened. "Someone has to keep an eye on you."

Sure enough, Hermione was nestled under the invisibility cloak with Harry and Ron as the clock struck midnight. The library was quiet since Madame Pince had shooed everyone out several hours ago.

Harry shook off the invisibility cloak and followed Hermione into the Forbidden section. Her head girl clearance allowed her access to it at any time. Conveniently, it also allowed her to bring two guests. She had heard rumors that she could save up points and redeem them for Hogwarts-themed merchandise, but hadn't thoroughly investigated them yet.

"It's just over here," Hermione said, pausing until the two boys caught up with her. Ron stuck his hand out and grabbed a thin, bound book from the shelf.

"Ron! You could have just set off an alarm!" Hermione hissed.

Harry raised his eyebrows as he listened. "I don't think so. Maybe as head girl, you get an exemption?"

Hermione shook her head. "They didn't mention anything when I got the instruction manual."

"You actually read the manual?"

"Yeah? So?"

"Hermione, no one reads the manual."

Ron's eyes widened. "Um, guys?"

"What's so wrong with reading the manual?" Hermione huffed.

"It's just weird! That's all!" Harry snapped back.

"Guys?"

"Well maybe if you ever read directions, you wouldn't have set your bed on fire when you were trying to transfigure that teddy bear!"

"That was one time! Let it go!"

"GUYS!"

"WHAT!?" Both Harry and Hermione turned on Ron, who had a look of unspeakable horror on his face.

"We must leave this place and never speak of what we have seen here."

"Well, you've done all the seeing," Harry said, taking the book from Ron's hands.

"NO! You mustn't read it!"

Harry skimmed the page. "What is it?"

Hermione peered over his shoulder. "I've heard of this. I think it's a Muggle work."

"Very good, Miss Granger."

The trio jumped and turned to see a very cross Professor Snape glowering at them.

"Professor! What are you doing here?"

Snape folded his arms over his chest. "I was investigating an alarm when I heard some voices from over here. I should have guessed it was you three."

Hermione smiled. "Just showing them the library, sir. Seeing as I'm the head girl and all."

"At midnight," he sneered, raising an eyebrow. "Miss Granger, while I would not put it past you to live here if given the opportunity, I find it difficult to believe that your two friends would share the same...desire to learn."

Hermione colored faintly.

Snape caught sight of the book clutched in Harry's hand.

"Did you read this?" Snape snapped, grabbing the book.

"Yes! So? It doesn't even make sense!"

Snape cursed before grabbing the front of Harry's shirt. "Do you understand what you have done, Potter? You have read the evil Muggle book. In doing so, you have trapped us here forever."

Ron's eyes grew larger. "I'm trapped in a library??!"

Hermione grinned. "I'm trapped in a library??!"

"And the worst part is, I'm trapped here with you. Once you've read it, you can never leave."

"Professor?" Hermione asked meekly. "What is 'it' exactly?"

Snape turned his cold gaze on her and said the word that made all of them gasp in horror.

"Fanfiction."


	2. Fanfic

_Forbidden Chapter Two_

"You mean we're trapped in the library because we read fanwick? That doesn't make sense," Harry said dismissively.

"Fanfic, you dimwit," Snape growled. "And yes, that is exactly what I said one chapter ago."

"But sir. Ron and Harry read it. Why are you and I trapped here as well?" Hermione asked.

Snape rubbed his nose. "That is the nature of the beast, Miss Granger. Fanfic is such an evil Muggle invention that it sucks in anyone who attempts to tame it."

Ron's lower lip wobbled. "So we're trapped with no food?"

Hermione sighed. "I can summon food, Ron. We just can't leave the area."

"But I need to wee."

"I can summon a toilet too."

"And a privacy curtain," Snape muttered.

While Ron did his business, Snape went around the other shelf, muttering spells to himself.

Sensing that the Pissing Wonder that was Ron was not the key to her salvation, Hermione followed Snape.

"Sir?"

He paused his muttering. "I'm running out of ideas. I was hoping I'd be able to think of some way for us to get out of here."

"You'll think of something, Professor!" Hermione said cheerily.

Snape glowered at her. "You're far too cheery, Granger. We're trapped here with two dunderheads who can't possibly help us get out of here."

Hermione glowed a bit at being included in Snape's assessment of useful people, but was cut off by Harry's shout before she could respond.

The two of them rushed to the other side of the shelf. Harry was leaning against the shelf, a fanfic clutched in his hands.

"What is it?" Hermione cried.

"This fanfic! Where...how...do they come up with this?"

Ron stumbled out from behind the privacy curtain.

"What's it about?"

"Ginny...and a broomstick," Harry whispered, his face a deep red.

Ron smiled. "A Quiddich fic? Cool. Let me see."

The color faded from his face.

"That's not a Quiddich fic."

"No."

Hermione skimmed the fic over Ron's shoulder. "Well, the grammar is terrible. And it's horribly unrealistic. There's no way you could fit a whole broomstick..."

Snape frowned thoughtfully. "That might just be the key to getting us out of here."

"What, reading stories about my sister and a broomstick?" Ron said, looking ill.

"No. There are roughly fifty fanfics in this section. If we read each one, there might be a clue as to how to get out of here."

Hermione nodded. "Worst case scenario, it will help us pass the time until Professor Dumbledore finds us."

Snape picked up a fanfic reluctantly and opened it. "Hmm. This one doesn't look so bad."

He promptly disappeared.

Hermione bit back a shriek of exclamation. "Professor?"

Only silence answered her.


	3. The Ideal Man

_**Author's note:** Oh yes. I'm back. I finished university and with a job under my belt, I actually have more time AND am getting paid. So this adulthood thing is working out splendidly. I will be clogging email with lots of story updates since I've finally got time to write. To those who've waited so patiently (and prodded me to ask how this story was coming along), thank you! _

_Italics will indicate the parodied fanfic, while normal text indicates what Hermione and Severus perceive as reality. If it's been a while, I suggest skimming the first two chapters again to catch up._

_Here goes!_

_Disclaimer: No money is made – I just like to play._

**Forbidden Chapter 3 – The Ideal Man**

"Professor?" Hermione shrieked at the area where Snape had been standing a minute ago. She wasn't too terribly worried about his safety – after all, what could go wrong in a library? But without him, she was trapped and how was she supposed to become the youngest witch to earn her Potions Mastery if she was trapped in a library? It wasn't even practical to brew here since the smoke issues from some Master-level potions was rather hazardous.

With Professor Snape had vanished her only other intellectual companion and how exactly could she bounce complicated ideas off of Harry and Ron? The two could barely tie their trainers without her.

She looked around for some kind of clue. The fanfic Snape had been holding lay crumpled on the floor. Inwardly, she winced at the harsh, albeit unintended, treatment of a book. Then she remembered that it was a fanfic and didn't really count as a book.

"Harry. Ronald. Take a stack of fanfics from the shelf. You two go together and search for a clue that could get us out of here. I will try and find Professor Snape."

"But 'Mione," Ron mumbled. "We always go as a Trio. It's in our contracts."

Hermione hmphed. "I'm renegotiating mine anyway. And zip your fly."

Ron fumbled for the zipper. "But why aren't you coming with us?"

Hermione fought the urge to sigh obnoxiously. She wanted to put this delicately. Maybe she should try honesty? After all, who could build an entire plot around a simple misunderstanding?

"Ron, you are quite thick and I would rather find Professor Snape so we can actually get out of here. Not that I mind being trapped in a library so much, but being trapped here with you two..."

Ron and Harry both blinked at her. "Merlin, Hermione. Be a little less blunt, will you?"

Hermione flushed. "I said that out loud, didn't I?"

Harry nodded.

"Well to be fair, you two would have been expelled ages ago because of your terrible grades. Though I suppose they would have exempted Harry to fight Voldemort."

"Voldemort?" Harry asked. "That mangy Dark wizard we defeated before we made the entirely logical decision to forgo fame and fortune to return to Hogwarts to complete degrees we probably would have been awarded anyway?"

"I want my degree the honorable way, Harry!" Hermione snapped. "Now off you go. I'm going to find Professor Snape."

Bracing her shoulders, she picked up Snape's fanfic. "'Forbidden Pleasures.' Oh dear."

With a fresh dose of mental courage, she opened the fanfic and felt a familiar tug behind her navel.

Ron and Harry glanced at each other as she disappeared and her fanfic dropped to the ground. Ron shrugged and pulled a handful of fanfics from the shelf.

"Oi, Harry. Want to try this one first?"

Harry nodded. How bad could it be?

"Harry?"

"What, Ron?"

"What's 'slash?'"

* * *

Snape growled again and flicked his wand in frustration. Here, wherever here was, seemed to be immune to magic. He couldn't even call up a Lumos. So that was it. One of the greatest wizards of his generation and he was blindly fumbling his way down an unfamiliar hallway.

Of course, his generation had also produced the likes of James Potter and Sirius Black, so being the best of such illustrious company wasn't nearly as impressive as it sounded.

Snarling, he pushed a greasy lock of hair behind his ear, cursing Potter and Weasley under his breath for their ignorance. He considered throwing Granger into the mix as well, but his anger at her was less directed at her actions and more at her offensive taste in friends. Fanfiction indeed. He snorted just as he heard footsteps approaching behind him. Brandishing his wand before him, for all the bloody good it would do him, he prepared himself to face down the nearing presence of...

"_Lumos," a deep voice intoned._

Himself?

Snape stared at his counterpart.

_His five o'clock shadow spread evenly across a chiseled jaw. Coal black eyes glowed with a restrained knowledge of the Dark Arts. He smirked to himself, his even, white teeth glistening as fire spewed from his wand to alight in the mouths of the snake-shaped lamps that lined the hallway. Silky hair as dark as midnight was tied back with a green ribbon. His cloak lovingly caressed his thighs. He wore all black, as befitting his misunderstood heart, and the rows of buttons that ran down his front seemed to strain to stay closed over his muscular chest._

Snape's eyes widened. This doppelganger was headed straight for him and made no indication that he had seen the less manly version of the Potions Master.

"What the hell?" he sputtered as the evil twin passed straight through him. He smelled aftershave. Snape growled. He never wore aftershave.

He nearly jumped out of his skin as a smaller body collided with his back.

"Miss Granger!"

She peered around him to stare at the retreating figure of Evil Snape, her face aglow with something like amazement.

"Who is that?"

Snape glowered.

"That thing," he gestured, "is an abomination."

"A sexy abomination." Hermione waggled her eyebrows. "Whom we should follow to look for clues," she clarified as Snape turned his withering stare on her.

He sneered down at her. "Clues? Or do you just want more eye candy?"

Hermione colored faintly. "No, professor. But I am no more keen on staying here than you are. I have a life and aspirations that can't be realized if I'm stuck in some bloody fanfic. I sought you out because you are the smartest person I know. So will you help me or not?" She finished, nervously wiping her hands on her pants.

Snape nodded after a while. "I suppose we should follow the most obvious participants in this storyline."

"I already tried to interact with this world," Hermione sighed, tugging at her collar dreamily as she glanced again at the hallway where Evil Snape had gone. "But no luck."

Snape shrugged again. "The sooner we find what we're looking for, the better. Come on."

Together, they set off after the twin. Snape didn't notice that Hermione had smoothed her hair and unbuttoned the top button of her blouse. Sure, they couldn't interact with the members of this world. But it never hurt to try.

* * *

The pair followed Evil Snape until he stopped outside the Head Girl's dormitory.

_Severus didn't glance around like any other late-night lover would. Thanks to his innate respect for the castle, it always alerted him to incoming visitors. Severus was the castle's favorite. His cloak felt ever so good against the grout. Confident he wasn't being followed, he slid his hand down the stone wall before knocking. The castle seemed to shiver under his touch. A moment passed and the door opened._

_There stood Head Girl Hermione Granger, wide-eyed and breathless as she gazed up at her tall Potions professor, who always smelled like sandalwood no matter what he'd been brewing._

"_I told you I'd be back, Miss Granger," Snape purred, leaning forward to gaze into her golden amber chocolatey eyes._

_Her bosom heaved._

"_Hermione..." he said, his voice low and husky. "I want to talk to you." _

_She shivered. Of course he wanted to talk to her. All men liked to slow down and really chat about their feelings before having sex. You know, because if you talk about feelings first, you've got plenty of time for cuddling later!_

_Her bosom heaved harder._

_Hermione turned her face away bashfully. "Oh professor. You know what I want. But I have my N.E.W.T.s to study for and...I'm a virgin," she finished quietly, her silky and agreeably curly hair falling into her face._

_Snape reached forward and pushed the hair behind her ear. "Hermione...I've kept a tight rein on my lust since you've grown into a beautiful young woman. I will have you tonight. We will make love all night long. As for your N.E.W.T.s," he said, moving his hand to cup her face and run his thumb along her rose petal lips. "You are the smartest witch of your age. I am honored to be in your intellectual presence," he whispered with a small smile._

_At this point, Hermione's bosom was heaving so hard that her rather pendulous, yet peachy firm, breasts bounced up and down. Severus' eyes greedily took in the image, but in a restrained, gentlemanly way._

Hermione glanced down at her own average cleavage with a glum sigh.

_Snape leaned forward, tilting Hermione's head back. "Call me by my name."_

"_Severus."_

_He seemed to flinch and blink back a sudden mist in his eyes. _

"_It's just been...so long since anyone said my name with love. Come here, you innocent girl. Let me use you as a redemptive plot device."_

_He took her into his arms and the two swept into her room, closing the door behind them._

Snape looked down onto the rapidly reddening face of Hermione.

"I don't think this writer has ever been close to having sex," he said finally. "It hurts the first time and no man can possibly pound away in a virgin all night, especially if he's been 'keeping a tight rein on his lust'" Snape mimicked.

Hermione smirked and flashed him a teasing smile.

"I'm a virgin, professor. How would I know that?"

"Miss Granger!" Snape sputtered. "Why do you think it was necessary to tell me that? And let's go. I don't think we'll be finding any clues here."

Hermione tugged at his sleeve. "Are you sure?" She pointed.

On the floor in a familiar spiky script was a piece of paper. Further inspection revealed the words "redemptive plot device – noun – A moment that allows the reader to lessen the evils of one character by placing him in romantic juxtaposition with another, less evil character. See: Byronic hero."

Snape sneered. "How cute. We get to play 'spot the shitty fanfic.'"

_Time passed._

"What the hell was that?" Snape asked as the hallway seemed to rush around them before settling back down.

_The door opened. A thoroughly ravished Hermione was leaning against the door frame holding a green silken robe loosely across her ample chest. Snape was adjusting his pants, no doubt encouraging his enormous trouser snake back into underweared submission._

_He kissed her forcefully. "Until next time, Miss Granger."_

"_Oooh, professor."_

"_And don't forget – I left you a present at the Dripping Broomstick Sex and Underwear Store."_

Snape snorted again. "So now the writer intends to send them to a sex shop?"

Hermione shrugged before rolling up the piece of paper that contained their first clue. "There are, after all, only so many ways to transfigure a broomstick. Now let's go. We've got other fanfics to explore."

She marched on, leaving a gaping Snape in her wake.

* * *

Ron had decided that he hated this world. Everyone was too damn happy. And well-dressed. He felt even more out of place than usual.

"What about this door, Harry?" He gestured to what amounted to the 600th door they would have tried.

"Oh why not?" Harry replied in frustration. "We can't talk to anyone. We can't even interact in this world. And we have no fucking clue what we're supposed to be looking for. Are we looking for a slash?"

Ron shrugged as he pushed the door open. Curiously, they could interact with objects not related to the main storyline, but not with the people.

"Oh Sirius."

"Oh Remus."

Ron blanched. "Oh Merlin!"

They ran out the door, slamming it behind them.

"Put a fucking Patronus at the door or something! Merlin!" Harry sputtered, trying to blink away the image of Sirius' hairy behind.

Ron looked green.

A piece of paper slowly drifted from the ceiling into Harry's hand.

"Unlikely Slash – Noun – The pairing of two typically male characters who show no inkling of sexual interest in each other. See: James/Severus."

Harry paled further. "I'd rather not."

"Harry?"

"Yes, Ron?"

"I don't think I like it here."

Harry cleared his throat awkwardly. "Me neither, Ron. I bet that's our first clue though. Let's see if we can find our way out of here."

* * *

_A/N: Heh. Underweared submission. Every time I type dialogue for Ron, I hear it in the Potter Puppet Pals voices. Every time. See you next time for Chapter Four: Rape isn't love/FANfic._


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